


Wherein Pike turns into a lady for realsies and Jim thinks it's awesome

by kayliemalinza



Series: Rambleverse [49]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Gender or Sex Swap, Kayliemalinza's Rambleverse, M/M, Multi, Pike's Reclaimed Captaincy (Rambleverse Timeline)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-12
Updated: 2010-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-25 21:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, no, Pike's not a lady--he's just been whammied with alien ~magic to have breasts, wider hips/smaller waist, and different genitalia, but Jim's a schmuck who doesn't know that misgendering is a thing.</p><p>Teaser: "I do not anticipate any offense upon canceling the meeting," Pike is saying, "but if the Emissary inquires, please assure him that I am honored, <i>delighted</i>, in fact, to have experienced the transformative effects of their World-Mother spirit or whatever the hell they call that glittery thing." Pike finishes the sentence with a growl and tugs at the hem of his shirt, which has been gradually rucking itself up over the curve of his hip. It's a very nice curve, one that would slot nicely into the hollow of Jim's palm, and he doesn't blame the shirt one bit for wanting to expose it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wherein Pike turns into a lady for realsies and Jim thinks it's awesome

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Wherein Jim quotes poetry but Uhura is not impressed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/957810) by [kayliemalinza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayliemalinza/pseuds/kayliemalinza). 



> This follows directly from [Wherein Jim quotes poetry and Uhura is not impressed](http://archiveofourown.org/works/957810), but it's not necessary to read that fic first.
> 
> Standard warning for Jim being a lecherous creeper. Trigger warning for cissexism, misgendering, and consent issues.

Life in space, Jim decides, is all about revising expectations. For example: Jim expected that, if Captain Pike were ever turned into a woman, he would 1) be super hot and 2) look exactly like his sister, who is also super hot, sort of like a sarcastic Steve Irwin. Not in the sense that she has an Australian accent and curly blonde hair (which she doesn't) but in the sense that she aggravates wild animals for a living.

Of course, Pike's sister claims that her purpose is to soothe and rehabilitate wild animals (and the occasional puppy or kitten, because who doesn't want to help puppies and kittens? besides psychotic time-traveling Romulans, of course, although admittedly Jim has never seen Nero interact with a puppy or a kitten so he could be wrong: perils of prejudice and assumption and all that.) But Jim knows for a fact that _brother_ Pike is a sadistic bastard and therefore _sister_ Pike must be one, too, especially if her treatment of Pike is anything to go by. Surely there are some critters being pestered, too.

Furthermore, while Jim has neither seen nor heard of her wrestling an alligator, he can imagine it and in his imagination it is hot (she totally works the khaki shorts.) In this way, Elena Pike is exactly like Steve Irwin--with sarcasm, of course. That bit is important. It is a revered family trait, he has been told, although it is possible the Pikes were being sarcastic when they said that.

Anyway, as it turns out, Captain Christopher Pike makes a very sexy woman but does not look exactly like his sister. In fact, he looks even less like his sister than he does as a man, which is not only perplexing but also very bad news for Jim's theory that they are the results of an experiment in cross-gender cloning.

But of course, there are more important things to worry about right now. Like Uhura, who has just walked into the room. Her slow blink at the sight of Captainess Pike is impressive, especially since Jim is unsure as to whether she'd heard any details about the situation before she was summoned via text. Pike did a nutty at the sound of his new voice, despite it being a very nice alto, and spent a full five minutes communicating solely with whistles and hand gestures. For anyone else this would be a problem but Jim is fluent in several dialects of Pikeface (Captainy, Amused, and Angry, with moderate proficiency in Stoned) so the method is fairly effective.

However, Pike keeps Uhura at arm's length like most of the crew, cordial though he may be, so he'll have to start talking again. Jim would help him out, but it _is_ a nice alto and anyway, Jim needs to concentrate on Uhura for a minute. She's gone native and it looks great.

The single long braid down her back isn't much to write home about (although Jim's mom would probably appreciate a note anyway: "Dear Mom, Lt. Uhura had her hair in a braid today and it looked like a lot of fun to grab onto. As per your advice from last month I restrained myself. Metaphorically speaking, of course, since I am still wary of Chinese finger traps. I hope you're doing well and nothing has exploded lately. Love, Bubbles.")

Jim will give Uhura a pass on the uninspired hairstyle because her clothes are currently existing on a whole other plane of hotness. Jim can't quite suss out the tailoring--it could be a tablecloth, for all he knows-- but the fabric is something gold-colored and diaphanous that Jim wants to tangle his fingers in, or maybe spritz with a water bottle so it goes transparent and clings to the facets of her hipbones. Sure, Pike-as-a-woman is new and exciting and all (well, half-new; Jim had given it quite some thought in the past) but Jim isn't a creeper-come-lately, you know. He's been fantasizing about Uhura for years now, and in fact was a ranking member of the Lieutenant Nyota Uhura fanclub back when it was called the Cadet No-Name Uhura fanclub. He's not going to throw all that away just because Captain Pike grew a rack.

Besides, Pike doesn't give off the same goddess vibe (especially not when he's pacing unsteadily around the room and with his arms clamped across his chest) so Jim just can't see him in jewel-colored gauze. A sweater would work, though, something soft and scoop-necked, nearly melting off the shoulders. The command jersey he is wearing right now criminally under-utilizes his assets (the jerseys are vaguely unflattering even when Pike is male, but Jim has had time to come to terms with that particular tragedy.)

Furthermore, Uhura will only be wearing the native garb while on planet whereas Pike has a whole closet full of sweaters back on the ship and is still too stiff-backed and uncomfortable to enjoy looking at right now. Therefore, it is logical to focus one's ogling talents upon Uhura at this juncture. Jim is sure that Spock would agree if it were possible to explain the conflict to him without causing "avoidable interpersonal conflict." Pike gets irritated about interpersonal conflict (although he calls it "juvenile bullshit" which is not very nice,) which causes even more interpersonal conflict, then the whole thing spirals out of control and always, _always_ results in Jim being stuck on Gamma shift as punishment.

He once remarked upon this disturbing equifinality to Bones but Bones unsympathetically compared it to Joanna getting stuck in time-out all the time, which may have been an appropriate analogy but Jim will never know because Bones went all turtle-eyed and neglected to elaborate. He's been in a funk ever since the Enterprise moved out of subspace communication range with Earth and intermittently launches into morose diatribes about how Joanna's going to be six feet tall and have purple hair and a boyfriend when he gets back, although why Bones would think this is a bad thing Jim doesn't know. Joanna would look awesome with purple hair, and Jim has the photomanips to prove it (NB: Bones did not appreciate Jim's artistic initiative in this matter.)

Uhura would probably look good with purple hair, too, but at the moment it'd distract from the gold thingy she's wearing and nobody wants that. It's bad enough that Jim has to concentrate extra hard just to catch some of the micro-expressions that flit across her face as she transcribes Pike's orders.

"I do not anticipate any offense upon canceling the meeting," Pike is saying, "but if the Emissary inquires, please assure him that I am honored, _delighted_ , in fact, to have experienced the transformative effects of their World-Mother spirit or whatever the hell they call that glittery thing." Pike finishes the sentence with a growl and tugs at the hem of his shirt, which has been gradually rucking itself up over the curve of his hip. It's a very nice curve, one that would slot nicely into the hollow of Jim's palm, and he doesn't blame the shirt one bit for wanting to expose it.

"Would you like for me to translate that atonally, sir?" Uhura asks, which is communications-speak for _Would you like for me to say what you said, but nicer?_ Her stylus hovers expectantly above the PADD and she tilts her head professionally to the side. Her demeanor is blankly respectful and that ticks Jim off because he knows that if _he_ were suddenly turned into a girl and throwing a hissy fit about it, Uhura would be all kinds of judgy. No-one but him would realize it, maybe, but that doesn't mean Jim is delusional or sensitive or whatever else Bones feels like calling him this week. It is an _incontrovertible fact_ that Uhura can demolish a man's ego with nothing more than the minute twitch of her lower lip (another man's ego, that is; Jim's ego is indestructible because his awesomeness just can't be denied, ok, and sometimes dust just gets into his eyes and that's why it looks like he's tearing up, ok, and it's not an emotional thing at _all,_ so shut up.)

Pike is looking less than indestructible when he gives Uhura an unsteady gaze and says, "That would be advisable, Lieutenant." Jim hopes that Uhura keeps her face under control because if she doesn't, Pike might progress all the way to 'vulnerable' and Jim will be forced to hold him and stroke his fingers through his hair. Jim wouldn't mind doing that, of course, but Pike has a history of resisting Jim's well-meaning gestures, sometimes violently. Jim is totally cool with that, especially now that Pike looks all soft and curvy and easy to overpower, but some actions are just not appropriate to perform in front of junior officers. They'll have to wait until Uhura is promoted before she can witness the beauty of captain-on-(temporary)captain tenderness.

"Anything else, sir?" Uhura asks.

Pike shakes his head and turns away to stare out the window. He looks so lovely there, with the pale sunlight reflecting in his eyes and circling the deep, cozy hollow at the base of his throat, that Jim almost forgets to stop Uhura before she leaves.

"Lieutenant, let me co-sign those orders," Kirk says, taking the PADD from her. "And ask Dr. Boyce to send down a technician to take some readings and tissue samples of the captain for the ship's log."

Uhura looks up at him with eyes like big, limpid pools of suspicion so Kirk explains, "It's standard protocol to confirm the identity and continued capacity of any officer believed to be in an altered state. Regulation 84.19, subsection D," Kirk adds, because chicks dig the numbers. He winks. "Thank you, Lieutenant. Dismissed."

Uhura takes the PADD back. "Yes sir," she says. She nods smartly, flicks a final concerned glance at Captain Pike's back, and strides out of the room in a nebula of slow-motion ripples.

Diaphanous really is a good look on her.

'Brooding' is a good look on Pike. Jim goes to stand next to him at the window, pressing their shoulders together without any pretense that it's by accident.

"I thought you would forget the protocol," Pike says after a few moments. "I was looking forward to writing you up."

"If we didn't follow the protocol, you would have no authority to write me up," Jim answers.

"I'm sure Acting Captain Spock would be eager to oblige in my stead," Pike says.

Jim is sure of that, too, but it's a moot point because Jim is totally on top of things and maybe, just maybe, Pike will be distracted enough today that Jim won't get into any trouble at all.

Then Pike angles himself to face Jim and his hem has rucked up again, exposing the sweetest parabolic flare of hipbone that Jim has ever seen.

 _Who the hell am I kidding,_ thinks Jim. _I'm going to jump into trouble face first._  



End file.
